A hypothetical darker past

by ani castillo

I just painted my fingernails black…


I listen to the Cure now, it HAD  to be done.



I’ve been wondering how my life would have been if I became one of those goth kids I saw hanging out outside of old buildings in Guadalajara. Maybe I would have made a good one!

I wonder if joining them back then would have made my teenage years a little better?

When I took a photography class in school I took pictures of some of them. They used to get together outside of the music school. They also used to scare me to be honest.




One thing is, most of us are not caucasian over there. We tend to be a little bit more of the colour of a beautiful piece of wood instead of the pale blank canvas that you seem to need in order to get the goth look. I remember seeing lots and lots and lots of make up. (that’s the problem with adopting stuff from another countries, you never know what things you won’t be able to apply in yours!)



I also remember seeing them in huge leather jackets and coats. But my city  is hot like 90% of the time! No amount of dark thoughts could dim the burning sun of Guadalajara in May.

So for those who were really committed to keep the look, they had to walk around all covered up in a colour that most of us avoid because of it’s heat absorbing properties.


Maybe I could have joined the punks instead! after all I was a vegetarian for 5 years (at the time, punks were the only vegetarians in my city)


but then, I don’t really like super loud music…

and they scared me too.

oh well…


Luckily, one day I did join one of those micro niches that people build around specific interests.


It was a very (very) different kind.


But I’ll leave that for another day, for today I’ll keep fantasizing about alternative pasts!