Dissintegrating and stuff

by ani castillo





I grew up listening to Mexican pop music.

I LOVED it. I sang it and enjoyed and lived it and shared it with everyone in my beloved hometown. My memories are all bright and happy when I remember singing cumbias with my dad, Molotov  with my brothers and Jose Jose with my mom. I reveled with Gloria Trevi and felt all romantic with Luis Miguel.

Then in middle school, when everything turned dark, dramatic and lonely and tragic because I didn’t happen to ‘fit in’ (I’m a handful of inches taller than most any mexican girl), a sweet boy named Carlos introduced me to Nirvana. I remember all my anger and loneliness didn’t feel as terrible when I stayed curled up all afternoon listening to Nevermind on my walkman, deep inside the lower level of my bunk bed. I felt like my emotions were shared or understood or something. It all felt more manageable while the play button was pressed down.

Then my first boyfriend introduced me to Radiohead, Portishead and Frente. So I played that a lot. When we broke up I started researching music, national and international, and it turned out to be quite a big deal for me. Music propelled the next couple of chapters in my life, it inspired me to do things and meet people. It made me dream of a bigger world, it seriously made me feel better and brought me back to life! Thank you music thank you thank you thank you.

My cousins had cable TV so they got to know lots of north american stuff. I remember them talking a lot about The Cure but I never got to listen to them.

Until now!

I’ve been loving them so deeply. I’m so happy to finally have them hanging around with me in my living room. Their music changes the feeling of reality, I’m in so much love. If I was someone else who loved the Cure from before, I would be jealous of me hehe, discovering then right now has been just so awesome!!