imaginary somewhere

imaginary somewhere

by ani castillo

I was feeling like drawing lashes…




Teenage Angst VS Young Adult Angst



I was a kid when I found out about Nirvana.

Kurt Cobain was already dead and his death seemed so mysterious and glamorous to me.

I remember how I fantasized about my own death and how everyone was going to be so very heartbroken. All those kids that didn’t treat me well at school would suddenly realize what a terrible mistake they’d made. They would probably find some of my numerous journals filled with my sketches and manuscripts and find out I was actually a super genius of our times and they didn’t even realize!! the poor people! they would suffer so much and I would laugh inside my grave, all proud and victorious.

Then I grew up and I saw a couple deaths here and there and I realized a big truth:

When you die, you happen to really really die so you can’t see your own funeral, you lose control over your body, which later on disappears and then you can’t come back and you happen to miss a lot of things you would probably have liked to experience.

So, step into adulthood number one:

Realizing that dying causes pain, is definitive and unavoidable and it’s not very glamorous.

After that there come a bunch of realizations that make for a good set of roots from where a quarter-life crisis can grow. The funny thing is that those realizations are the kind of things my mom and dad used to say all the time and I dismissed them because I didn’t believe them O_O


– Time DOES go really fast!

– Getting old is FOR REAL!

– Life is NOT always easy!

– Relationships with people DO take effort and they are not always awesome!

– It is not wise to trust everyone all the time!

– Money is a problematic thing and it is better if you try to save some!

– Hunching DOES cause troubles after some decades of repetition!


Some days I feel bad that I haven’t written a bestseller book, visited Japan-New Zealand-Ireland-Iceland-Finland-Germany-etc., performed a ballet dance in a big city theater, directed a movie, made my own manga, had an art show at the MOMA, founded a fashion brand, toured the world as the lead of my rock band, opened my own bakery, figured out a psychological theory on how to make people happy, bought my own apartment building to fill up with musicians and artists, learnt how to ride horses, sail boats and make tamales.

(I have a lot of interests in life)

Other days I feel all happy and content with the path my life has taken.

Sometimes I feel like I’m in the middle of my very own quarter-life crisis, but then I think it is just that:


– Time DOES go really fast!

– Getting old is FOR REAL!

– Life is NOT always easy!


…. and all of that


I’ll share my new found wisdom with my babies.


But I have the feeling they won’t really believe me…







A backyard to chomp on




When we left Toronto to live in this little town, our master plan sounded something like this: “Let’s leave Toronto and live in a little town!”

I didn’t need any extra details, it sounded awesome enough to me!

But something we knew we wanted to do for sure was have a vegetable garden. We grew big fat zucchinis and gigantic basil plants in tiny containers in our apartment in Toronto so we knew this could happen way more easily in the country side.

In our first year Justin just dug a dirt patch and I threw some random seeds in random locations expecting a magnificent garden to grow, keep us fed and eliminate the need to visit the grocery store forever.

* Cultural Note: There is a movie called “The Secret Garden”. There is that scene where the girl tosses mixed flower seeds all over a dead and dark patch of dirt and and the result is a magnificent flower garden, so maybe I was a little influenced by that idea. *

But oh!, the result was just a bunch of tangled pumpkin plants that killed the rest of the healthy plants that had survived the proximity of a couple thousand of weeds –  I didn’t even realize this and they asphyxiated each other. Then my zuccini plant succumbed to what it seemed like a disease. My theory is that an ugly worm I saw one day chewed on the roots. Now every time I see one of those worms I feel all violent inside!

Last year we tried to grow more specific plans (I just noticed a pattern, our planning skills seem to be getting better!) and we managed to harvest all the vegetables we needed for 5 or 6 months. The night Elodie was born, we ate some sweet potato, navy beans and our last batch of brussel sprouts from the garden.

I read a lot of books about gardening but I still find it hard to digest, so much information!  But we’ll try to grow our veggies again this year.

What you see in the picture above are our collard green babies.  The kale is coming and I just saw a zucchini plant being born today, I’m getting excited about this year’s growing season!








With Photoshop Without Photoshop

Some days ago I gave Umi her first Photoshop class.

More than anything I was concerned about the pictures in advertising and magazines showing people with their perfectly airbrushed faces. I wanted to show her how they cannot be real and how one can easily manufacture the Photoshop “look” in pictures of one’s self.

As I was showing her picture after picture so full of lies and deceit I was getting so angry!, I showed her how to airbrush age off, just by erasing wrinkles and dark spots… but the editing people doesn’t even stop there, the jerks!, they go on and erase those little lines besides the nose (that even newborns have!), the veins, the pores, they reduce the size of the nose and make eyes bigger, they make teeth 100% white and all hair that looks too uncomfortably real is pruned to perfection… even diaper ads show not much more than what looks like a plastic blob shaped as a shiny baby.

I feel Photoshop makes us jump. Some guy erases the pores of the nose from an ad picture and they make a couple million girls feel bad because we start thinking that something is wrong with our faces. They make the thighs of a model look impossibly smooth and thin and here we go!, another zillion chicks thinking there must be a way to achieve that.

How could anybody be like a man-made concoction? It’s like if horses were all traumatized because they cannot be like cars. And they have to start support groups online because they can’t take the pressure to be faster and be able to fit 8 passengers on their backs.

I wish I could protect my little girls from all bad things that exist in this big world, but hey!, at least I feel like I gave Umi her first dose of the vaccine against believing the lies that can be said with photoshop!







Pupa & Lavinia #331

I thought I could translate some of the cartoons I’ve made for the newspaper I work for…


Maybe just from time to time ^_^












Imaginary Somewhere






Starts now.