Teenage Angst VS Young Adult Angst

by ani castillo

 

 

I was a kid when I found out about Nirvana.

Kurt Cobain was already dead and his death seemed so mysterious and glamorous to me.

I remember how I fantasized about my own death and how everyone was going to be so very heartbroken. All those kids that didn’t treat me well at school would suddenly realize what a terrible mistake they’d made. They would probably find some of my numerous journals filled with my sketches and manuscripts and find out I was actually a super genius of our times and they didn’t even realize!! the poor people! they would suffer so much and I would laugh inside my grave, all proud and victorious.

Then I grew up and I saw a couple deaths here and there and I realized a big truth:

When you die, you happen to really really die so you can’t see your own funeral, you lose control over your body, which later on disappears and then you can’t come back and you happen to miss a lot of things you would probably have liked to experience.

So, step into adulthood number one:

Realizing that dying causes pain, is definitive and unavoidable and it’s not very glamorous.

After that there come a bunch of realizations that make for a good set of roots from where a quarter-life crisis can grow. The funny thing is that those realizations are the kind of things my mom and dad used to say all the time and I dismissed them because I didn’t believe them O_O

 

– Time DOES go really fast!

– Getting old is FOR REAL!

– Life is NOT always easy!

– Relationships with people DO take effort and they are not always awesome!

– It is not wise to trust everyone all the time!

– Money is a problematic thing and it is better if you try to save some!

– Hunching DOES cause troubles after some decades of repetition!

 

Some days I feel bad that I haven’t written a bestseller book, visited Japan-New Zealand-Ireland-Iceland-Finland-Germany-etc., performed a ballet dance in a big city theater, directed a movie, made my own manga, had an art show at the MOMA, founded a fashion brand, toured the world as the lead of my rock band, opened my own bakery, figured out a psychological theory on how to make people happy, bought my own apartment building to fill up with musicians and artists, learnt how to ride horses, sail boats and make tamales.

(I have a lot of interests in life)

Other days I feel all happy and content with the path my life has taken.

Sometimes I feel like I’m in the middle of my very own quarter-life crisis, but then I think it is just that:

 

– Time DOES go really fast!

– Getting old is FOR REAL!

– Life is NOT always easy!

 

…. and all of that

 

I’ll share my new found wisdom with my babies.

 

But I have the feeling they won’t really believe me…